TWO OF A KIND

Well here's a lovely pair.

Aaron Hohenbrink (on the left) and Kevin Schmidt (on the right) are two bloggers on IndyStar.com's "InTake" site. Their politics are a little to the right of Rush & O'Reilly. And they're both staunch supporters of the war in Iraq...though neither one is volunteering to put on some boots and pick up a gun. They're waaaaaayyyy too busy here at home banging the war drum and going about their little lives in Broad Ripple and Carmel, respectively.

Let's start with Aaron. This 33-year-old Industrial Sales Manager likes to spend his time hanging out in Broad Ripple (with some really beautiful women, I might add) and playing in a cover band called Newmatic. Sounds rather innocuous. However, he's also a drum-beating neo-con, hellbent on victory in Iraq. And his experience is what, exactly? I suppose growing up in Ft. Wayne and attending Purdue might teach him something about the sacrifice our military is making there. (Or not.)

His take on this war? He's too busy at home "doing his part" for the war in Iraq to actually grow some man parts and pick up a gun. He says, "Fortunately, there's plenty of voluntary troops that are much braver than the average man and I support them by doing my part here at home." When asked to further define what, exactly, "doing his part" is, he replies, "I work, I provide a piece of our necessary economic puzzle, and I attempt to educate uninformed/misinformed people like yourself as to why our military efforts are worthwhile and necessary."

Holy Shit! I had no idea of the sacrifices you were making. Way to go, Tiger. Now THAT is making a real sacrifice for your country.

Sort of like this guy, but not really. No, Aaron. You're not sacrificing a goddam thing, you fucking spineless piece of shit. You get to live your little life, drinking beer with your buddies and playing drums in a rock and roll band while the brave men and women of our military are being shot at, are having IEDs blowing up as they drive, are having their limbs ripped off by RPGs, and get to shit in a hole in the desert and not shower for days on end.

You wouldn't know sacrifice if it bit you on your pasty, pimply forehead. You are absolutely the prototypical chicken hawk meatstick. I suggest that you either put your money where your mouth is and REALLY do your part by marching down to the recruiting office TODAY, or shut your mouth-o-plenty. (which you should wipe when finished. There's a touch of "My Man Mitch" Mustard on the corner of your mouth there, bud.)

That brings us to Big Kevin Schmidt. (insert Marv Albert's announcer voice here...) Starting at Power forward, this 6' 7" Sophomore...originally from Wanamaker, Indiana...(end the voice.) is a self-proclaimed, proud gas-guzzling SUV driver, a 29-year-old software engineer, a Colts fan and eyebrow waxer. He currently resides in (gasp! such a surprise!) Carmel. (For the record, so does the author of this blog. There are at least 4 non-conservatives in the entire County.) And he's another tough-talking, chicken hawk. Yep, his daddy was part of the Bloody Red 1 in Vietnam, truly a hero who can speak of the horrors of war from experience. And his brother is apparently currently serving in the Navy, apparently somewhere near Iraq. But BigK is just a cheerleader. I'm sure he looks delightful in a miniskirt.

He's quick with the insults when he can control the flow of info on his Blog. He's quick to dismiss a reasonable argument with "Oh yeah?!? Prove it?" Or, "I know you are, but what am I?" He is a real treat. To this super-genius, everything that passes over the lips of Mr. Bush or Mr. Cheney or any other oil m/billionaire is the indisputable truth and shall be consumed as such. Data that supports massive civilian casualties in Iraq are dismissed as being overblown -- as though 50,000 dead women and children in the name of freedom is somehow more acceptable than, say 150,000.

Following the money trail of legislators and right-wing think tanks in order to even consider that there's more to this war than WMDs - like...oh...I don't know...oil interests, perhaps?!? - is met with suggestions that one must be a conspiracy theorist, black-helicopter-watching nutcase.

He also exhibits a propensity for directly and harshly attacking others who blog on InTake. Bad form, dude. He says, "One need only look to my fellow bloggers to see this ignorance on full display. I know I am going to take some heat for this, but I really don’t give a shit, so here we go."

The hilarity is that he also writes, "Telling someone that their view point is so stupid and wrong headed that they won’t event attempt to debate the issue on the basis that it would be a waste of time. I can do that too." And that is PRECISELY how he "debates." If one presents credible evidence about an issue, Mister Schmidt says something like, "Do you have anything that's relevant? Or do you only look for studies that support your view point regardless of whether or not they produce viable results?" The finer points of his arguments often come down to things like whether it 145,000 dead civilians or 650,000...as though EITHER number is acceptable.

Hey fucknut...we're slaughtering innocent people, and supporting the creation of a murderous insurgency by our mere presence which contributes to at least 100 dead Iraqi civilians every day. And please, for the love of God, remind me why we're there?!? Whether the number is 100k or 600k, it's too fucking many.

Of course, this is about when Aaron would chime in with something about those dead, mutilated, decapitated children and women being "circumstantial deaths, deaths that were by unfortunate, untargeted and unintentional, by the US. Our deaths were in an effort to ultimately free the people (and their future offspring) from an evil dictator." How fucking generous. "Sorry, kid, that we had to kill your mother, rape your sister and lock up your dad and all your uncles in prison. It's for your own good. Get over it. We're busy freeing the people."

It's so easy for Mister "Doing My Part" to spew that horse shit, sitting on a bar stool at Bleecker Street with his pals. It's not his mom and dad getting blown to bits. It's simple for Big K to talk about being tough on terror and staying the course from the confines of his large SUV - permanently tuned to 1070 WIBC - on his way home to his cozy little place by Clay Terrace. He's not picking his little sister's skull parts out of his perfectly white teeth.

The really good news? I let this stuff roll off my back and consider it a lesson in how not to be a decent human being. I'm glad I'm not them, and can leave it at that. Their hate is so overwhelmingly self-defeating, that they're their own punishment.

The really bad news? These guys are going to insult the wrong gun-toting paranoid freak some day and find themselves staring down the long barrel of a gun. Ease up, boys. It's a scary world out there. But you wouldn't know that, living your sheltered little lives of privilege.